she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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