Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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