Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
