Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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