Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
