tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
