I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
