Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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