woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
