I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
