burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
