Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
