I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
