There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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