Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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