im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
