I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
