I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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