She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize