the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
