You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Randomize
