Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
