Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
