Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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