I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
