So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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