chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
