Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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