You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
