you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
