Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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