Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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