Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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