I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
