I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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