u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize