shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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