i already hear my dad disowning me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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