Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i need some magic done to my vagina
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