yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
