My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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