I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
