did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
