I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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