Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
