Me too!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
