Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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