her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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