It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They took my balls.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
