I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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