This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
