Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
