yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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