please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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