you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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