that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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