i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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