Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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