i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
