If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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