she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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