I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
