Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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