i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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