Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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