Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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