so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
