this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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