mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
