She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
