i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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