At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
