new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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