I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
last night I used snow as a chaser
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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