Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
