A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
