Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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