Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this beer tastes like vomit already
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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