I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
