Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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