Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
