My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
