Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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