I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
