you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
