she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You can't motorboat a personality
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
