she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
