dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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