decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Randomize
