white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
