I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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